


Firefly

by lethargicfeeling



Category: Keyakizaka46 (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23392660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lethargicfeeling/pseuds/lethargicfeeling
Summary: A little bit inspired from Neru's Tanabata Sayounara
Relationships: RisaNeru
Kudos: 7





	Firefly

“Have you ever thought of being able to touch what happiness feels?” Neru calmly said while staring into the stars at night.

Risa, who was right beside her wondered, “How can you even touch happiness? You can only see and feel it.”

Neru faced the girl, “Exactly, they can only be seen and felt. Have you wondered what happens when you touch it physically?”

“Hm… if happiness exists then what does it look like then?” Risa asked the girl.

Neru just chuckled, stood up from the ground and patted down her pants. They were somewhere inside a forest, the car’s engine turned off, with a beautiful view of the lonely city. This place was their safe haven, only they know about.

“Let’s head back now, shall we?” Neru smiled as she went back to Risa’s car. They were both fresh college graduates, still clueless how to real world runs.

Risa hurriedly stood up and wiped off the dirt from her bottoms. She fished out her keys and unlocked the car. The two hopped inside the vehicle and sped off.

As they went on track, Neru can’t help but be quiet and stare right into the window.

“What’s the matter?” Noticed Risa.

“Everything’s beautiful at night… the city lights, the star and- Risa stop the car.” Neru cut off as she ordered.

Risa immediately followed, “What happened?”

Neru exited the car, she stared in awe with what she saw. There were lights floating. Dots floating in the air spread out through the whole forest. Risa went outside of her car, “Neru wha-”

Neru wasn’t listening, instead she stuck her finger out and a glowing light landed on it. It was a firefly glowing, she smiled to herself and faced Risa. The other girl went beside her and silently stared at Neru.

_ God, she’s so beautiful _ . She giggled to herself.

“I want to be reincarnated as a firefly someday.” Neru spoke up.

Moments of silence passed until Neru decided to go back to their homes.

Months passed, turned into years. The two were inseparable even though they were busy. Both had normal paying jobs and a decent life. They never forget to go back to the place where they usually hangout at night. The only thing that changed was how deeper Risa’s feelings went for Neru, still hesitating to express everything. If she kept it to herself she might lose herself.

It was yet another one of their normal nights at the place, Risa nervously breathed in and out. On the contrary, Neru was dead silent. Her eyes had no life in them, obvious how she’s got lack of sleep.

_ This is it, _ Risa’s thoughts were running nonstop.

“Neru-”

“Risa-”

They both said in unison.

“You go first, Risa.” Neru said.

“Alright,” Risa sat up straight.  _ No turning back now _ . “Neru,”

“Hm?” as Neru looked at her.

“I, erm-,” Risa stuttered.

“What is it?”

“Neru, I- I like you for a long time already. Ever since we’ve known each other.” Risa could not believe she said those words.

Neru just looked at her with wide eyes. She was silent the whole time. It was making Risa uncomfortable, she looked down at her finger  _ So stupid of you _ . She internally scolded herself.

“I’m sorry if it makes you uncomf-'' Risa's words were cut off as she saw Neru with tears forming in her eyes. She rushed quickly to her and patted her back. “I’m sorry- it’s okay if you don’t like me. I wasn’t expecti-,” she was shocked when Neru hugged her waist and buried her head in her chest. From a panicked expression, Risa’s eyes went soft. She caressed Neru’s head as she silently cried.

“Why are you saying this only now?” Neru cried.

“I’m sorry, Neru.” Risa responded.

“I like you too, Risa.”

_ What? Am I hearing it right? _ Risa had her eyes wide as Neru looked up to her. Risa just stared at her, speechless.

Neru pecked her lips to bring her back to reality. As Risa felt Neru’s kiss, she could not believe what happened. Her cheeks started to heat as she hid her face in her hands to cover herself. This earned a chuckle from Neru who hugged her for a longtime. Risa’s heartbeat was fastly beating from happiness. Risa hugged Neru back as she was grinning from ear to ear.

“So this is what happiness feels like,” Risa whispered. “I want to stay with you.”

Despite feeling warm, it changed Neru’s heart. She felt more fear than before.  _ Risa if I could only tell you this now. _ Pain was overflowing from her chest as she held Risa tight.  _ I wish I could also stay, Risa _ .

6 months passed since they were official, they had spent many memories together. Incredible dates, adventures, everything was flowing smoothly for Risa. Every date she had with her, she took videos of her.

“Why are you always bringing out your phone whenever we go out?” Neru asked.

“So I can see you whenever I miss you.” Risa giggled while documenting everything.

They were inside the ferris wheel, Risa held tight to the railings, she looked down and became pale. Neru noticed her so she shaked their lantern more.

“Stop it!” Risa was evidently scared whilst Neru kept laughing at her for being cute.

The day went by as the pair enjoyed themselves, walking along bridges, strolling, a normal date for them.

“Wait here.” Neru said as they were walking along Miyuki Bridge. She went away for a while. Coming back, she showed Risa what she made, it read  _ ‘Always together’ _ . “I want us to be together even if one of us is gone.” Neru looked at her and formed a small smile before tying it to a plant beside them.

“You know I won’t leave you, Neru.” Risa reassured.

They’ve dated for more than a year and a half now, Neru still kept her condition from Risa. She knows it’s unfair for her but she’s weak, she doesn’t have courage to speak up.

“When do you plan to tell her?” Neru’s sister talked to her on the phone.

“Soon,” was all Neru could reply.

“It’s more than a year since you two started dating. How can you even do that to her?” her sister was frustrated with her hard-headed decisions.

“I know I just-,” Neru felt her chest tighten.

“Hello? Are you okay?” her sister panicked.

“Call the ambulance! Hurry!” before Neru dropped her body on the ground.

\------

Meanwhile, Risa was in Osaka, she was planning to surprise Neru tomorrow as she kept rewatching her videos. Smiling to herself as she scrolls through her phone. She checked the clock as she was getting ready for bed when she received an incoming call from Neru’s sister.

_ I wonder what she needs _ . She thought before pressing.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Risa! Neru was rushed inside the hospital!”

“WHAT? What happened to her?” she asked as she rushed to pick up her bag while stuffing clothes and wallet inside it.

“She- she- had breathing problems. I’ll explain everything later!” then the call ended.

_ Neru, no, what happened? _ Her thoughts were scrambled as she rushed to pick up her things. She lastly wore her coat and left her apartment. Running to the train station, she made it before late hours. She was nervous the whole 3-hour ride. She couldn’t sleep nor rest. She kept praying that Neru is okay.

Finally, she reached the last station. Quickly hailing a cab to rush to the hospital where Neru was.

“What room is Nagahama Neru confined?” Risa asked.

“Affiliation?”

“Partner,” she immediately responded.

“Room 46 on the second floor.”

She thanked the desk nurse as she ran the stairs until she reached the room. Neru’s sister was outside of the door, looking all tired and panicked. She sensed Risa and stood up from her chair.

“Risa…” in a worried tone.

“What happened to her?”

“It’s best if we sit down when I tell you.”

They sat down on one of the benches as Neru’s sister took a deep breath. “We weren’t expecting this to happen before. She inherited our family history’s COPD. It’s a rare case to be passed on but she got it. It’s a lung disease that isn’t contagious… it can...” Neru’s sister was hesitant. “... it can kill her.”

Risa went pale as she heard those words.  _ It can kill her. It can kill her. It can kill her. _ It kept repeating inside her head.

“Risa, how long have you been together?”

“Huh? Ah…….. about a year and a half now,” Risa answered quickly.

The other girl took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “We found out about her condition a year and a half too.”

Risa, in frustration, covered her face with her hands.  _ Why? Why can’t she tell me? She should’ve told me. _ Tears started to form in her eyes as she sighed.

“I know it’s hard, Risa,” as Neru’s sister hugged her.

At that moment, the doctor inside the room opened the door. The two bolted up as soon as they saw him.

“I hate to break it up to you but, her condition worsened this time. It may be hard to say this but since she’s got this for almost two years already, I’m afraid that…” the doctor hesitated.

“Afraid of what, doctor?” Risa felt scared hearing the next words.

“I’m afraid that for severe cases, the life expectancy is only 2 years.”

Everyone went silent. The two just stood there, unable to process what had been said.

“She’ll wake up in a couple of minutes once the sedation wears off,” the doctor then bid his farewell.

“Thank you,” as Neru’s sister gave respect.

Once the doctor was gone, Risa stared at the door. She was nudged by Neru’s sister, “We should go in.”

As the two entered the lit room, there laid Neru’s pale body. Only sounds of the heart monitor were heard.

Risa rushed to Neru’s side as she caressed her face.  _ You still look beautiful even like this _ . Risa tried to choke her tears but failed.

“Neru please wake up,” the sister pleaded as she held Neru’s hand.

Moments of silence later, Neru’s eyes opened. The two noticed and quickly stood up. Neru looked everywhere but she gasped when she saw Risa, whom she thought was in Osaka.

“Risa-,” she tried to sit up. “No, it’s alright. Just lay down there,” Risa cooed.

“I’ll leave you two some time alone,” Neru’s sister said as she went out.

As the doors shut, a tear fell from Neru’s weak eyes as she whispered “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You should’ve told me earlier. Don’t cry now.” Risa mustered up as she wiped Neru’s tears.

“You must’ve had a hard time getting here.” Neru felt guilty.

Risa sighed, Neru’s feeling guilty for the sudden events. “No I didn’t, stop blaming yourself.”

She grabbed Neru’s hands and kissed it as she held it right to her face.

“Risa?” Neru called.

“Hm?”

“Can you lay down beside me?” Neru requested.

Risa obliged as she climbed on the bed, it was big enough for the both of them since they were both petite.

Neru laid into Risa’s chest as her girl rested her chin in her head while hugging her waist.

“It feels good that you're here again,” Neru said as she relished the feeling. “I’m so happy,” as a tear escaped her eye.

The two laid there in silence until they both fell asleep.

If Risa were really honest, she cannot face this world knowing when Neru’s time will come. Her anxiety every day knowing how shorter her lifespan is becoming. She spent a lot of time with Neru more. She even decided to compile all of their dates and show it to Neru. Even so, the girl still hurts while watching everything. Memories flashed before her eyes as she reminisced those moments.

Months have passed and they were both lying on the hospital bed. There isn’t a night where Risa left her. Neru’s body grew weaker and weaker, she was thinner than ever. The two were having fun watching movies from Risa’s laptop.  _ This is it, I’m ready _ . 

As the film ended, Neru was about to go to sleep when, “Neru, I wanna show you something.”

She opened a file revealing every date they had.

Neru gasped. “Risa- this is…” tears started to build up in her eyes.

“I know,” Risa cooed as she lay Neru’s head on her shoulder.

Neru can’t help but cry from what she’s seeing. From their first dates to everything, it hurt her yet made her happy.  _ If only it can be just like before _ .

Videos flashed through her eyes, remembering every happening that was shown. It was still clear inside her mind. Full of happy memories sting her. She kept wiping her tears until the video ended.

It was silence, a calming one. Only Neru’s hics and Risa’s quiet tears as they laid down on the bed.

Finally Neru spoke up, “Risa, thank you.”

“I’d do anything just to spend another lifetime with you,” as Risa’s cracked voice tried to speak.

Neru brokedown, she can’t hold it anymore. She can’t leave Risa, she can’t leave  _ her _ world. Her cries became loud.

“Risa, I’m afraid to die. I’m scared to go away. Not now, no,” Neru pleaded.

The sight only hurted Risa, she can't do anything but to wipe her tears away.  _ I’m afraid to see a world without you _ , she whispered to herself.

They both lied as they cried nonstop. Holding each other dearly as if they don’t wanna let go.

Neru reached out to Risa’s face and formed circles with her thumb. They both were feeling helpless, their hearts felt heavy.

“I love you, Risa.” Then she kissed her softly. It was the most hurtful kiss they did.

As they parted ways, Risa responded back, “I love you too, Neru.”

The two drifted to sleep, they were drained from too much emotions.

_ I’m ready _ . Risa said to herself.

\----------

A week has passed since Neru’s burial, Risa still visits her grave every afternoon. It was dark inside the cemetery, but if it means getting to be close with Neru, she’s willing.

With a heavy heart she’s carrying, she decided to go back to their haven, the forest cliff with the view of the city light and stars. It was already, the wind blew coolly but didn’t make her shiver. Risa just sat at her usual spot, leaving Neru’s space. She patted it and sighed, “This will always be your place.”

Risa closed her eyes and tears escaped. “It’s hard, Neru.”

_ “Have you ever thought of being able to touch what happiness feels?” _

_ “How can you even touch happiness? You can only see and feel it.” _

_ “Exactly, they can only be seen and felt. Have you wondered what happens when you touch it physically?” _

_ “Hm… if happiness exists then what does it look like then?” _

“It’s you. Happiness is you. I’ve touched it, cared for it, and felt it, all because of you, Neru.”

She let out a deep sigh and opened her eyes. She suddenly saw a glowing light in front of her, it was floating in the air. Without noticing, she lifted her finger and the light landed on her.

_ “I want to be reincarnated as a firefly someday.” _

Hearing Neru’s voice inside her mind calmed her. She smiled at the thought of her memory.

“You’re still so beautiful, Neru.” she whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> This was posted on wattpad. Apparently, there were italicized parts there that aren't italicized here.


End file.
